Biggest Douche In The Universe Competition

A contestant from Planet Earth/Milky Way Galaxy has taken the crown, again this year as Kevin Federline replaces John Edward as the official Biggest Douche in the Universe.
Hopefully, his reign as BDIU will raise awareness and much needed additional research to treat the mysterious muscle disease which has twisted his hand into this hideous trident-shaped appendage and left him a nonfunctioning white trash idiot. He is also currently in negotiations with Webster's dictionary publishers who wish to use his likeness as an illustrated example of "Shit-eating grin". His winning the title of Biggest Douche in the Universe is attributed to the fact that he is an unemployable loser with a room temperature IQ who sponges off of his pitiful substance-abusing ex-wife, instead of doing what a man would have done which is clean her up by getting her off the junk/booze. His winning prize will consist of having his head held upside-down in a large container of vinegar/water solution until he stops moving. The choice of awarding the honor to Federline was controversial among many of the judges, because he had also been named "Largest Toilet Bowl Skidmark" in the Universe, and he is the first earth resident to hold both titles simultaneously.

The previous reigning Biggest-Douche-In-The-Universe, John Edward... merely tricked gullible naive people into believing that he could speak with their dead relatives. Somehow he has managed to make a lot of money doing this; whereas, if there really was any justice in the world he would have gotten his ass kicked to death and would now be smoking a fresh dog turd in the hottest corner of hell.














*Legal disclaimer: Biggest Douche in the Universe competition is the sole intellectual property of Matt Stone and Trey Parker use of which is prohibited without their express permission.

**Legal disclaimer: Kevin Federline was already a white trash idiot prior to the onset of said unidentified degenerative muscluar disease. The narrative is merely claiming that his status was changed to" nonfunctioning white trash idiot" based on physical degradation.

**Legal disclaimer: John Edward could no longer serve as reigning Biggest Douche in the Universe due to contest rules which prohibit consecutive wins; therefore, Kevin Federline is current champion BDIU.